The beauty behind learning to be alone

There is an inherent sense of shame that comes along with doing things alone. It can feel like isolation, a sentiment that is propagandized by the notion that we need to turn every event into an opportunity to connect with others. When in reality, there is a beauty in being able to step aside from others and reconnect with yourself. 

I sit right now, alone, in a cafe. To many, the idea of being alone makes them feel vulnerable, invisible. As if appreciating your own company is a vice, not a power. 

As I sit here, I am looking around at hoards of groups. There are multiple couples, a few different friend groups and about one or two other solo riders. Aimlessly looking around, I can’t help but wonder why people are so afraid of this feeling. 

To me, doing things by yourself is the most important time you can take for yourself. It is a testament to our own capabilities of doing something uncomfortable in order to see growth within yourself. 

The truth is I do think the inability to be by yourself is a scary trait. And obviously I can make exceptions for those who can’t physically be by themselves, or those with mental conditions. However, if you are able-bodied, I think we too often let anxiety be a scapegoat for what at the root is really just self-doubt and fear. 

Anyone sitting in this cafe right now I know absolutely nothing about, and same goes for me. No one knows that I have plenty of friends, a family, etc. I know nothing about them either, and the bottom line is it doesn’t really matter. 

Once you can accept that your presence doesn’t bother or affect anyone else, you become a much more confident and whole person. 

If not for the fear that many feel about being judged for being alone, there is also the sentiment that being independent is really just self-isolation. However, I would counter this notion and say that self-isolation occurs when you feel disconnected. But, a way to prevent disconnection is to stop it right at the start, and with that comes a little self-reflection. 

Being able to step away from others' opinions and judgements and just sit in your own thoughts for a moment will help you not only decompress but also get in tune with your true feelings, and not be so affected by the constant chatter of everyone around you. 

All of this to say: being alone is not embarrassing, and it can be vital to being a better you. 

We have all had a friend who you feel like you can’t leave alone, that you maybe need to babysit. No one wants to be with that friend, but also no one wants to be that friend. 

Feeling like you can’t do anything alone can be almost debilitating, and frankly an unrealistic lifestyle to live. 

So, I counter anyone out there to try and take a swing at being alone. It doesn’t have to be a grand jump. Take a walk alone, go to a coffee shop or just simply sit outside alone. No phone, maybe music, but truly just sit with yourself. I think it will bring you more solace to know that you can exist, just you. Because while community is great, there is a special beauty in knowing that just yourself is enough, because you will always have yourself.