I never experienced “senioritis” in high school. I never even knew what senioritis was, actually. According to Google, senioritis is "the affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance." As a senior in college now, I am fully experiencing school fatigue and a lack of interest in things that used to bring me joy. I think “senioritis” can also be characterized as growing up. I am not excited for the first day of school anymore, moving back to Lexington, or repeating the same week over and over again until May of 2024. I am not saying that I don’t love certain things about UK, I really do, I just think that I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life.
I feel my friendship circle shrinking more and more, becoming more intimate. I feel myself not wanting to go out on weekends as much as I once did. Quite frankly, growing up makes my heart ache with nostalgia and bitter realization that I no longer have the world at my disposal. I am not immune to sleepless nights anymore. I will never go through recruitment again, any sort of freshman orientation, or meet an immense amount of new people again. Maybe I am just overthinking, but this is what my “senioritis” is telling me.
Maybe instead of focusing on all of the depressing details of what senior year means for me, I should focus on the bright future that I could very well have.
On the positive side, I will never be required to go to school again to have the career I want.
I will have life experiences under my belt that will have matured me in more ways than I can count. I will (hopefully) grow in confidence as I realize that I do not need to compare myself with my peers, and that I am finally in the part of my life which I was most excited for since I was a little girl. See, I was always excited for the part of my life where I start my career, live in a home other than my parents’, and get to truly focus on myself, building my future the way I want.
I think the most surreal thing about growing up for me has been friendships. My friendships have changed drastically over the last few years. I have met a multitude of people, and yet I feel like I'm ending my time at college with just a few close friends.
Sometimes I miss the crazy nights that I will always remember. Sometimes I miss the adrenaline of meeting new people who are all freshmen just like I was; we were all looking for new friendships. I miss when school did not matter as much and I could spend less time at my computer every day.
The beauty in all of this is that even though I have gone through these phases, I ended my college career with the people who mean the most to me. I have realized where my priorities truly lie, and I am becoming more and more content with the woman I am becoming.
Growing up is weird, wild, and random. I have had to realize multiple times that the burden of growing up is much easier with true friends and family surrounding me. And that is what has been on my mind lately: "senioritis." And all of the weird quirks that come with finally becoming an adult.