Being lonely is tricky. Being single is like playing Russian Roulette every day; you never know if you’ll wake up empowered, lonely, anxious, confident, insecure, happy with your decisions, questioning every single one you’ve ever made in your life or just simply being.
Sometimes I feel on top of the world, others I feel like I don’t know why things don’t work out for me. I’ve loved many times before, and have enough love for many more ahead, but sometimes I sit and wonder why I don’t give that love to myself. I deserve it, don’t I? I deserve to feel the love that I’ve given to others. I deserve to love my insecurities as they are, treat my body with gentle kindness and grace, allow myself to make mistakes and then forgive myself for them, support myself in pursuit of the career I’ve always dreamt of, listen to my dreams, write them down, try to depict them and what they could possibly mean, allow myself to heal so that I can give more of the love I’ve so graciously opened myself up to.
I feel like if I gave myself this kind of love, I would be unstoppable. More importantly, I would be overall happier. Things would be more simple and kindness would come more easily. Why don’t I do this already along with everyone else in existence? Well, it's not easy. We allow lies to enter our minds, that we don’t deserve this kind of love. And we hear these lies so often, frequently hidden in places where they are disguised, and we start to believe them. They become our reality. What a sad and dark life to live surrounded by lies?
I guess me writing this is my reminder to myself that I should, in fact, open myself up to... well, myself. I deserve to believe in this new reality and so do you. I deserve to love myself the way I’ve loved others, while still loving others. And I hope that this will also inspire someone else to love themselves in the ways they’ve so tenderly loved others. Because you deserve it. There are so many of us. We all do.